


sometimes it's hard to tell the wishing from the well

by gilligankane



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 07:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: Waverly wakes up - snaps out of it - in a hospital room and everything is different and the first thing she says is, "You cut your hair."





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was born of a tumblr prompt that said: "Waverly reacts to Nicole's haircut."
> 
> I am 100% sure that this is NOT what the prompter had in mind, but this is what I got. 
> 
> Also, not canon-compliant, I'm sure.

Everything is different.

Waverly was there for all of it, the whole possession, all four and a half months, but she wasn't _present_.

It was almost like she was underwater, floating and weightless and there, but oh so far away.

When she comes to, when she surfaces, everything is different.

Most things are the same, really. Wynonna is still Wynonna, still a tightrope walker caught between falling and flying. Dolls and Doc hover near her, bickering with each other. Waverly won't tell them how good that feels, to have everything be exactly as she left it - _where did she go, what did she do?_

Waverly wakes up - _snaps out of it_ \- in a hospital room and everything is different and the first thing she says is, "You cut your hair."

Nicole looks up. It takes her a moment to realize that Waverly is talking to her. Waverly sees her understand it and then Nicole pushes off the wall she's leaning against, straightening out. Her hands reach up before she seems to realize what she's doing and then she drops then again, pressing them into a jacket pockets. "Yeah," she says quietly.

Waverly gives her what she hopes is a reassuring smile. "It's nice", she says.

Nicole touches the ends of her hair this time. She twists one strand and lets her finger slide through it. She doesn't smile back.

Wynonna jumps in then, pushing Doc out of her way as she jumps onto Waverly's hospital bed. She nudges Waverly to the side so she can stretch out.

"So Doc is mad at me," she starts lazily. "Wanna know why?"

Waverly follows along as Wynonna goes on and on about Constance Clootie and Doc's insufferable manliness and Dolls' emotional distance while the two men argue with her. But her eyes stay locked on Nicole the whole time. Nicole, who hovers but doesn't come too close. Nicole, who knows what she wants before she has to ask but doesn't linger too long near her side. Nicole, who seems wary of her - no, _scared_ of her.

Waverly watches Nicole touch her hair again, almost thoughtlessly, and her chest tightens.

\---

It takes a few days before conscious-Waverly is released from the hospital. They're long, agonizing days of absolute boredom. She gets her fill of The Wynonna Diaries and Doc teaches her a new card game, something called Calypso. Dolls drops off some files and asks her to put together a profile on a supposed-Revenant named Walter Beckett. (Who isn't _really_ one of the 77, but Waverly appreciates his effort. Even if he tells her she's on Black Badge Division probation, effective immediately.)

Nicole is there, always.

"How was your shift?" Waverly will ask.

Nicole will shrug or give her a small smile or tell her about Henry Foley riding his lawnmower through town in his underwear. Nicole brings her tea and bad romance novels and charms the nurse in to giving Waverly the Wi-Fi passcode.

Waverly will smile back, laugh at the right moments, but she stops herself from reaching out and tugging Nicole closer. She can't bring herself to be that greedy, to take even more than she thinks she may have already taken. And Nicole seems okay with that, seems relieved by it.

A kiss on the forehead when she leaves for the night, after Waverly has pretended to fall asleep - that's all she gets. And she doesn't push for more. Not yet.

Nicole is still here, Waverly reminds herself.

She still feels so far away.

\---

She gets the okay to leave the hospital and moves back into the Homestead. She's surprised to see that everyone else has moved in too. Dolls and Doc share the barn, Wynonna is back in her room. Nicole sleeps in Waverly's room, usually in the armchair in the corner or at the end of the bed.

( _Far away_.)

Waverly corners Doc, because he's the easiest. She tells him as such, when he asks why she doesn't go talk to Wynonna.

She finds it interesting he doesn't tell her to go to Nicole.

"What did I do? Tell me," she practically begs. When he seems like he won't break, she lowers her face, looks up through her eyelashes, and lets her bottom lip wobble just slightly.

He folds like a house of cards in a summer breeze. He tells her everything: how she snapped suddenly; how she turned her gun on Wynonna; how Doc tried to shoot her (and only missed because of Wynonna and Nicole both trying to tackle him to the ground); how she vanished into thin air and randomly popped back in, to toy with them; how they all tried - how _Nicole_ tried - to bring her back.

Waverly remembers _some_ of this.

She remembers breaking Dolls' nose. She remembers reopening Doc's gunshot in his shoulder. She remembers dangling Wynonna from the top of the police station, taunting her.

Doc tells her about two months ago, about The Showdown (Waverly can hear the title; knows that Wynonna is probably calling it that) all in one breath: Waverly showing up at the barrier of the Homestead and firing shots at the house, yelling for them to come out and play. He tells her how Nicole came out and put her gun down. He tells her that Nicole got on her knees and put her hands up in surrender and begged for Waverly to be strong, to fight the evil bubbling inside of her. He tells her that Nicole inched closer and closer until she was over the line and Waverly began to break, her shoulders began to drop. He tells her that Waverly fell to her knees and he thought - they all thought - that it worked, that it was over.

He tells her it wasn't over.

Waverly doesn't need him to tell her the rest. She remembers now.

_"Baby, please," Nicole whispered. "Come back. I know you're in there, Waves."_

_Waverly gasped when Nicole reached out to touch her. Her hand burned through Waverly's coat sleeve, as if she touching Waverly's insides. The hand slid up Waverly's arm to her shoulder to her neck. Nicole's fingers rested on the back of her neck, pressing her forward slightly._

_"Baby," she whispered again. "There you are. That's good. Fight it."_

_"Nicole," she sobbed. "Nicole, I'm so sorry."_

_Nicole was crying then. "It's okay, Waverly. You're okay," she repeated. She tried to pull Waverly closer._

_Waverly grabbed at her own throat, her body twisting. "No, no."_

_Nicole grabbed her by the shoulders, squeezing tightly. "No, Waverly. Fight it."_

_Waverly looked up with wide eyes. "I can't. I'm not strong enough."_

_Nicole shook her head. "You are. You're the strongest person I know. Waverly, fight this."_

_But Waverly felt it taking over again. Her insides felt too hot, her vision blurred. "Not strong enough," she repeated. "I can't."_

_Nicole's grip was too tight. "Fight this," she said through gritted teeth._

_Waverly's neck snapped to one side and her eyes glowed red. "Fight what, Nicole?" she asked, her voice low and gravely. "'Fight my true self?"_

_Nicole winced but held on tight. "This isn't you. You're Waverly Earp. You're a -"_

_"Waverly is gone," the voice continued. "You'll have to live with knowing you couldn't save her."_

_"Waverly, please," Nicole said. She ground her teeth together as Waverly stood, twisting Nicole's wrists, peeling her fingers back one at a time. "You're in there, I know it._

_"Or, if you insist on being a pain in the ass, you don't have to live at all."_

_Nicole screamed as her body was flung upward, back towards the house. Waverly laughed and lazily produced a fireball in her hand, throwing it into the air after Nicole. It skipped across her shoulder, catching her hair and her jacket. Nicole shrieked, rolling through the snow. Wynonna rushed out of the front door of the Homestead, Peacemaker aimed at Waverly. Doc was right behind her, pulling at Nicole's jacket while she beat at the back of her head._

_"Give me one reason I don't put you in the ground right now," Wynonna threatened._

_Waverly laughed once more and shrugged a shoulder, ignoring Wynonna. She gave Nicole a small wave, wiggling ever finger before she disappeared._

Waverly tells Doc to stop, to leave her alone. He tips his hat to her and excuses himself.

Waverly locks the door behind him, buries herself under her blankets, and screams.

\---

"You cut your hair," Waverly says quietly when Nicole sneaks into her room that night.

Nicole startles. "I didn't know you were awake."

Waverly sits up and flips the nightstand lamp on. "I didn't think you were coming up here tonight."

Nicole already has her hand on the knob, twisting it. "I can sleep somewhere else if you -"

"No," Waverly says quickly. "I want you here. It's just..." She squints at the alarm clock next to the lamp. "Really late," she finishes.

Nicole shrugs, eyes wandering around the room slowly before they land on Waverly. "Sorry. Long shift."

Waverly ignores the lie. She heard Nicole come home - _home_ \- hours ago. "I talked to Doc today."

They both ignore the way Nicole flinches.

"He was helping refresh my memory," she continues.

Nicole looks up sharply. "Waverly, that's -"

"Something you and Wynonna should have helped me with," Waverly interrupts. "Not Doc."

"It wasn't you," Nicole says softly.

"But it was," Waverly insists. She pushes the covers back and sits up more. "I was in there. Even if I wasn't controlling _why_ I did things, I was in control of making them happen."

"No, you weren't," Nicole repeats, her voice suddenly hoarse. "Because _my_ Waverly would never -"

"Try to kill Wynonna? Try to beat Doc senseless? Fight Dolls?" Waverly pauses, taking in a deep breath. "Or nearly set you on fire?"

Nicole inhales sharply. "Waverly..."

Waverly gets out of bed, rounding the end to come and stop in front of Nicole. Slowly, she reaches out for Nicole's arm. She exhales when she touches her bare skin. It's the first time in months and she nearly breaks right there and then. Instead, she meets Nicole's eyes and slides her hand up to Nicole's shoulder. Nicole doesn't move, doesn't even seem to breathe, but when Waverly's fingers dance across her neck, Nicole flinches. Waverly refuses to back down, though. She's tired of waiting and waiting and walking on eggshells and pretending things don't go bump in the night. She's not six anymore and so she keeps going, wrapping her fingers loosely around the back of Nicole's neck. The ends of Nicole's hair brush against Waverly's pinky.

"You cut your hair," Waverly says again. "Because I burned off most of it."

Nicole swallows heavily before she speaks. Her voice is tight and rough. "Wynonna cut off the worst of it," she manages to say. "I passed out in the snow, I guess. And by the time I came to, Wynonna had the scissors out and there was a pile of smoking hair on the floor."

Waverly doesn't look away. She wants to. She wants to hide, she wants to crawl back into bed and never come out. But she forces herself to look at Nicole, to see her.

"She said it was either cut it off or let it take all of my hair." Nicole shrugs, a shadow of a smile on her face. "I mean, looking back at it I'm glad she did what she did. Chrissy Nedley offered to do the rest. She thought I lost a bet to Wynonna."

"Nicole, I'm so -"

Nicole shakes her head. "You need to stop apologizing. It wasn't you."

Waverly smiles mirthlessly. "Everyone keeps saying that, but I was in there. I could have fought harder. I could have tried more. I could have forced myself across the barrier and -"

"And died," Nicole finishes. "You would have died."

"But then Wynonna wouldn't have to treat me like I'm glass. And Dolls would let me back into the BBD office. And Doc would stop hovering," Waverly argues. "And you..."

Waverly thinks of before, when Nicole was there, closer. When she still touched her. A hand on her shoulder, on her knee, across her back, the top of her hand.

"You would... be able to touch me again," Waverly finishes.

Nicole's hand reflexively goes to Waverly's elbow. "I'm here."

"You're not," Waverly says quietly. "And I understand why. And it's okay, for now. I'll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable again, I promise."

"Waverly," Nicole starts.

"I promise," Waverly repeats.

She nudges Nicole back a few steps, going so slowly that she feels like she's hardly moving. But she wants Nicole to trust her; to feel like she's safe and loved. She leads Nicole to her vanity and Nicole sits, staring at their reflections in the mirror. She picks up a hairbrush slowly and waits for Nicole's slight nod.

Waverly touches the brush to the back of Nicole's head and brings the brush through her hair gently, the bristles barely catching on loose tangles.

"How was your day?" she asks quietly.

Nicole meets her eye in the mirror and begins to tell her about Henry Foley's lastest whiskey-fueled escapade.

Waverly carefully brushes her hair and thinks, _this is enough for now._


End file.
